The last few weeks in classes, I’ve focused on drawing our intentions to self love, self compassion and patience. One of the biggest reasons I have been drawn to sharing this is because of how much I’m struggling to do it for myself as I continue to recover and strengthen back from my shoulder injury.
Some of you know, I was in a car accident in October 2018 and it led to an AC Joint Separation in my left shoulder. My world changed the moment this happened and everything I learned about self love, self compassion and patience went out the door.
For me, this injury set me back physically, mentally and emotionally as I invited fear and negative thoughts into my head. But in the process of learning how to love myself for where I am in mind, body and spirit, I started to realize how much value I placed on strength in body and not enough on the mind and spirit. It was with the fear and negative thoughts that I had that set me back from an open mind, open heart and healing body.
Realizing that my injury and suffering was testing my self love, self compassion and patience, I wanted to turn it around by practicing on giving the same love and compassion that I give to others to myself.
An injury, regardless of how small or big, can easily set us back and surprise us on the limitations that it may bring but it doesn’t have to stop us from being the better version of who we are.
Right now, it takes all of my attention and control to focus on form as I train back from my injury. I often get frustrated knowing that I shake on the left side and feel nothing on the right. I also feel pain in my left shoulder at times when I don’t listen to my body and try to push myself beyond my limits instead of honoring where I am and how far I’ve come.
This video is one of the few ways my personal Kila (Instagram: @kilabooyyee) has modified side lateral raises so that I can still strengthen micro muscles in my left shoulder without overly raising my arms and aggravating my AC Joint. For some this exercise may be easy but for me, this requires elements of focus, mind-body awareness and self compassion because it is hard to do. I often laugh it off but I have moments where I shake my head and talk down to myself because I am not where I want to be. Some days I am proud of myself and other days I am short on patience.
But this week, I realized that I needed to give more love, patience and compassion to myself. It isn’t easy to practice this but in moments of difficulty and suffering, it brings light to how we truly love and accept ourselves for who we are.
I know I am not where I want to be but coming from where I was, where I am now is enough. I know we are not always where we want to be in life or in our own practice but when you find yourself criticizing or placing judgement on where you are in life, remember those loving and kind words you freely give to others. Give those loving notes to yourself as well because our thoughts and words become who we are.
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